Stop Speaking And Start Listening

It's hard to listen, this is something everybody knows, but why? Well based on studies an average person speaks at 125 words per minute but during that one minute, the brain can do many more activities and processes. You're in a meeting to plan your next release and while the product manager is talking about all the things the team should deliver in the next release you're thinking about your laundries you need to pick up.

If you're not a good listener probably:

• You make decisions that don't match the circumstances/problem
• You make the speaker and the people in the meeting confused by asking irrelevant questions or by bringing up irrelevant topics.
• It takes more time to get to a conclusion and nobody likes long meetings! (none-productive meetings)

So we know we need to be good listeners, but how?

Repeat what the speaker is saying to yourself (My special sauce)🥇

The first thing I always do is try to repeat whatever the speaker is saying in my mind. I also put that with his/her name when I'm repeating those. Let's say James is saying "We can't deliver the feature X next release because the security team didn't approve it yet and they are busy with deliveries from other teams". So while I'm sitting there and looking at James I start repeating what he's saying in my mind: "James says we can't deliver.....". In this way, you prevent your attention wanders while James is talking and you give your self a second chance to review what has been said.

Ask questions at the right time ⍰

Let's say James is talking about the problem with next delivery, and you're listening and you don't understand one part, ask James about it, but wait until he stops speaking! Maybe the question you have is something that James is gonna address in 5 seconds and by bringing up your question while he's talking you just distract him! Write down your question somewhere and ask him once he stops talking.

Never cut someone off! It's Rude😭

Nothing is worse than when somebody is talking about something and she has a plan in her mind and somebody in the meeting starts cutting her off by mentioning irrelevant topics or asking questions that she has the plan to talk about those questions. It takes time for the brain to switch context from one discussion to another and there is a high chance that you can't follow your plan anymore after you've been cut off by somebody. Always wait for the silence moment and then ask your question or whatever you wanted to mention.

There is nothing bad with silence🤫

Some people think it's bad to be silent in a meeting especially if you don't have anything to say on that topic. I'd like to encourage you to be silent as much as you can and try to listen more. If the topic is something that you don't have any comments on that, try to listen until you have a question to ask, but anyways there is nothing bad with not saying anything in a meeting.

Break the silence by asking questions, not speaking(if you're a manager)👨🏻‍⚖️

Ok, I just mentioned there is nothing bad with silence, but what if everybody is silent in a meeting and not saying anything?! Well, that's not what we want. You can break that silence by asking questions. Especially if you're a manager you're gonna be in this situation more. Let's say in our example James was saying why we can't deliver feature X in the next release, now he's done and nobody is talking! It's time to ask questions. In this situation, you can ask questions from who was talking or other people in the meeting. If you're a manager try to encourage other members to speak. For example in that meeting try to involve Melissa: "Melissa, what do you think? How can we deliver this feature without security approval? Do you think it has some risks?" On this note try to involve those who don't speak easily! Always there are team members who have valuable opinions but they don't talk about those easily.

A simple formula: Time you talk <= Time you listen ⏰

If you start speaking, remember the rule mentioned above: 125 words per minute are the average you can speak and this is enough time for people to get distracted. So try to keep the amount of time you speak less than the amount of time you listen and give people in the meeting time to ask questions. Break your comments to smaller chunks and give a silent gap between each chunk so if somebody has a question can ask that.

Body language matters👀

You should try to be calm and don't do anything that distracts the speaker. For example checking your phone, looking at somebody else who is not speaking, moving your fingers, playing with your pen, etc. Don't make any facial expressions to disagree(or any other expression). If you have questions or disagree, wait for the speaker to finish and then ask your question or mention your comments.

Believe it or not, there are things you learn when you're listening that you couldn't learn when you're talking.